2011

Clouds and you, are the two things that I want to figure out the most.

I want to figure out what clouds really are and what's inside them. I'd like to imagine that they're bunch of fluffy pillows once you lay your head, you never wanna get up again. I sometimes imagine them as vanilla ice cream or something creamy that melts, once it reaches your mouth. Another time, I'd like to imagine them as God's play-doughs and God is playing with them, trying to make figures which humans have to guess. On top of it all, I finally figure out that they're just some mass of water droplets in the sky and there's nothing really inside it. They're not fluffy nor they're creamy, they're just mass of water droplets you can't touch.

With you, it's different. I imagine you in every shape just the way I imagine clouds, but I never figure out what's behind every glance you give or every curves of your smiles. Perhaps not yet. But at least I can touch you; you're a visible mass that I can touch and interact with.

Kenapa kau menghujat matahari dan mencintai hujan?

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Bukankah keduanya adalah ciptaan Tuhanmu?

Oh sugar.

Don't ask me about my curiosity towards you. I've been always curious. 

Suatu saat

Nanti, akan ku kirimkan kartu pos dengan gambar bangunan klasik khas Eropa.
Nanti, akan ku tuliskan cerita tentang pertama kalinya aku menyentuh salju.
Nanti, akan ku kirimkan perlengkapan dapur yang kau suka.
Nanti, akan ku ajak kau berkeliling ke taman kota.
Nanti, akan ku ceritakan konser pertama yang aku tonton bersama teman-teman ku, atau pertandingan sepak bola dari klub favoritku.

Pasti, aku akan sangat merindukan kalian.

Nanti.....

Untuk Mama dan Bapak, for always believing that I could go far. Thank you.

So hey,

I dreamt of you last night. It was one of those obscure dreams I have.
We were somewhere outside a fancy building, a library perhaps, and it was raining. Lightly.
You were in your sweater and I was in my jacket. We were running for some shelters. Together.
I was behind you and felt very protected. I even could smell your fragrance (I've always loved your perfume). And that is all. That was my dream of you.

Then I woke up to the sound of morning rain.

I felt happy and miss at the same time.

One thing for sure

That life is a series of decision making.

Sometimes I just wish someone makes the decision for me or no decision were made at all. Just go with the flow. But then I realize, going with the flow is also a decision. I think it goes like this; if we don't make any decisions, we don't live.

To live is to decide, agree?

Yeah, in my dream

It somehow feels so warm and heart flattering.
Thank you for looking for me among the crowd; wishing I was there.

Wish it happens in reality.